Fester's Fun
by Caz251
Summary: After getting himself some transport Fester decides to liven up the streets of Cardiff by proposing a game. Set in my Addams/Torchwood verse after Assessing The Dead.
1. Fester's Fun

AN: This spawned from a little bunny of Fester in a silver sports car that wouldn't leave me alone after seeing a family friend who used to do Fester impressions in his silver sports car :)

Not sure how long this is going to become, probably a series of smaller chapters, or how frequent they will be, but it is sooo good to be writing in this verse again.

Fester Addams was enjoying his time in Wales; the weather in Cardiff was just so dreary it was perfect. Spending time with their Welsh relations was also interesting, and getting to play around with some of the things in the Torchwood Archives was an adventure. His experiments with the corpse that was to become his nephew were riveting, he was sure that they would come up with some of the best formulas for preserving things, even though the young corpse wasn't destined to stay that way for long. They just had to make sure that he was preserved enough until the wedding and then if Death was to be believed the corpse would become more alive than dead, although he would still be bound to Death quite strongly.

Owen had quite the amount of darkness in him that would allow him to fit in quite well with their family and Grandmamma had approved of him, so Fester felt that it was okay to forge a similar relationship with the corpse as he had forged with Johnny many years ago. Owen did like the finer things in life though, and Fester was sure that would no doubt cause a few differences in opinion between him and his future bride, but the young man seemed to have realised this.

It wasn't to say that Wednesday didn't like the finer things in life it was just her style and the flashy gaudiness that Owen had often hid himself behind weren't to the same taste. Wednesday would rather have a classic hearse like the one Lurch drove them around in, in top condition of course, than a flashy sports car that Owen owned. Owen wasn't going to be a pushover Fester could see that, but the man had also realised that there were some battles that he wasn't going to win, and getting Wednesday as a passenger in his silver sports car that he had bought after his last disastrous relationship.

Fester had seen an opening there, a weakness to exploit in the younger man, and he took it. While family was the most important thing to an Addams it didn't mean that there was never any rivalry within the family, or one-upmanship amongst them. If Owen was going to allow himself to be taken advantage of he would need to learn to toughen up, or Wednesday would completely eat him alive. Fester had made the deal of the century, offering to help Owen select a car that would be acceptable with his niece's tastes and take his convertible off his hands. Owen had agreed without bargaining for a price for the car, so Fester had gotten the car for the price of a bit of advice on Wednesday's taste in vehicles.

Driving through the streets of Cardiff, his duffle coat buttoned fully; with the roof down on his car the rain pelting off the seats Fester had a grin on his face. He was enjoying the strange looks he was getting from the pedestrians he drove passed; he wondered how the general population of Cardiff would react with some of the more in your face members of the Addams family living in their city. It would be interesting to see some of the reactions, he wondered who would get the most severe reactions during their time there.

Reaching the estate he drove through the gates that had creaked open unaided upon his approach he made his way up the drive parking his new car. He put the roof up before getting out, there was no use the car getting more wet if he wasn't in it, and at least with the roof up it may start to attain a lovely damp odour.

As he made his way inside he started to think on the betting pool or competition he wanted to start. "Who wants a game of Scare the Natives?" Fester crowed to the entry hall of the manor and waited for various members of the family to appear from their previous activities.

"Terms." Wednesday asked, a bloodthirsty smirk on her face, a mace in her dominant hand.

"No permanent harm." Fester, half stated half checked with the rest of the assembled family. "No permanent harm and no getting arrested."

There were a few grumbles at the rules, but Fester didn't want to be the one that Tharmus made do all the paperwork for the various family members release from police custody. Most of the family scattered to prepare for the game whilst Fester pulled out a little black book and looked at those who remained.

"Bets." He asked and waited for them to give him their predictions for the outcome of the game.


	2. Pugsley's Plan

Pugsley knew exactly how he could scare the natives, unfortunately he knew that taking Janet and Blossom on a walk through Cardiff City Centre was out of the question. His girls were happily settled now on Flat Holm Island and Tharmus would come up with some pretty creative punishments if he just casually took a couple of aliens for a stroll through town on a Saturday afternoon.

With Plan A being out of the question he fell back on old habits, after all if in doubt blow it up. While he wanted to scare the natives permanent harm to those who had done nothing to the family was not something that he was interested in. A little physical damage to the city though, well that was just a hazard of the game, collateral damage.

He had the perfect target as well for his little explosions. To say that Aluka's wife was irritating was an understatement, she had no respect for his family or their traditions, and she would see them all eradicated or lock up if she could get any backing to do so. Unluckily for her, their family had deep ties with the right people and any attempt to move against them would be known to the family pretty quickly, and she would not like how they dealt with threats. Fortunately for her she wasn't a threat to the family, or she hadn't become one yet at least, for now she was just an annoyance, like a fly that Pugsley was itching to swat.

It was all too easy to set up, rigging her car was child's play, and getting her car keys even easier. He had just lifted them from where she threw them on her arrival home. He knew that she wasn't impressed to see him in her flat, but she became a bit less wary of him when Aluka informed her that they were watching the rugby. Pugsley found it rather amusing that she suddenly seemed to believe his level of threat to her was lessened just because he was doing something that she classified as 'normal'.

To be polite, he had told her, he nipped outside to smoke rather than smoking inside their flat. What he was really doing was rigging her car up to explode. He didn't want the explosion to go off too early or somewhere boring so he had rigged it to go off based on the locking of her car, knowing that the next time she automatically locked her car would be when she went to work. Pugsley knew that she had a habit of parking wherever she felt like, having heard complain about all the parking tickets she kept getting for parking on the Plass.

A car exploding outside the Millennium Centre was sure to scare the natives, and the only arrest that may come of it would be Aluka's wife, which he was sure none of the family would mind very much and only slightly bent the rules of the game.


	3. Ianto's Interlude

Ianto Tharmus Addams Jones was well aware of the game that his family were playing, and he wasn't intending to interfere unless they did something that could interfere with the workings of Torchwood as an organisation or with his and Jack's relationship. He had already vetoed several plots and schemes he had heard about aliens in the city centre. He had explained to Jack about the families game and bet and he was surprised to find that Jack was completely amused by the game and he had a feeling that he was going to try and throw his hat into the ring.

Ianto came out of his thoughts to the sound of Lockdown procedures initiating, he looked quickly to Toshiko knowing that if she hadn't set the Lockdown she would be already hunting out the reason for it.

"It was me." She called out, "Bomb threat called into the police for the Plass. I need to initiate a Lockdown to get the shielding I have been working on to come online, I haven't managed to isolate it to work independent of the Lockdown yet."

Jack who had appeared from his office when the lockdown initiated sighed loudly, "A credible threat? Or do we think it's a hoax?"

Toshiko just glared at him as if she hadn't thought to verify that. "Someone reported a woman with a bomb in her car screaming and shouting in a line of traffic about getting to the Plass. It sounds suspicious, the caller wanted to remain anonymous as well. The police are certainly taking it seriously, and I am not taking any chances. This is a human threat, nothing alien in nature about it and we have too much technology down here to risk a massive hole in the ceiling. From what I got from the police we have about five minutes."

"Lower levels guys, just in case." Jack called out, making sure Owen could hear him in his domain. "Ianto can you tempt Myfanwy down."

Everyone started to scramble to get out of what could potentially be part of the blast zone. Toshiko grabbed her laptop and her handbag, immediately beginning to fill her bag with tech lying around she may need. Owen came out of the med bay a large field med pack slung over his shoulder, Wednesday following behind him carrying a second rucksack. No-one even commented on her being there as Ianto let out a sharp whistle to call down their resident pterodactyl as he made his way to the kitchenette. He grabbed the emergency backpack he had stashed in there and a large bar of dark chocolate to tempt Myfanwy with. This took less than two minutes and Jack was leading them down to the lower levels and into Ianto's domain.

They set Tosh up at Ianto's desk as quickly as they could so that she could try to keep them in the loop, or as much as she could in their self imposed lockdown. On Ianto's computer she had the CCTV of the Plass up, watching as the police seemed to take control of the area, diverting as many people away from the area as they could. She was also using it to try and monitor the police radio chatter to hear what was happening. Her own laptop was displaying the coding for the shielding that was implemented with lockdown, she was staring at the lines of code avidly, looking to see any discrepancies in what she thought in the programming.

It was only when Ianto began to make coffee for them with the small coffee pot he kept in the archives did anyone realised that Gwen was not with them.

"She's late as usual." Owen griped, "Probably still asleep knowing her. Should be interesting watching her trying to get in though."

"She won't get through the police." Toshiko informed them. "They have scrambled quickly, all the anti-terrorism training seems to have paid off for them. They are blocking access to the area, and taking a particular interest in anyone who seems to have a disinterest in taking another route. Bomb squad are a few minutes out, the plan is to search the area in case a bomb has already been placed."

"Nah, that's not going to work with Gwen though." Owen explained, "If she arrives during this she will either try to take command of that lot or force her way through them using her Torchwood ID."

It wasn't long before Owen's predictions were proven true, Gwen driving right up to the Plass through the police, and Ianto sighed as she parked right on the Plass. "Gwen pays all her own parking fines from now on, and deals with the paperwork for them. I've told her too many times to count not to park there."

Whatever Jack's response would have been was muffled by the sound of the small explosion from above them through the CCTV. They didn't actually feel anything or hear it down in the archives and Ianto hoped that the hub had no damage in the upper levels.

"Gwen's car was the bomb." Toshiko spoke softly, unable to tear her eyes away from Ianto's computer, watching as events unfolded. There didn't seem to be any damage to the area, the bomb couldn't have been very big as it only really affected the car. Gwen had been blasted back away from the car and was now being dragged away from the wreckage by two police officers, one of them cuffing her even as they pulled her from the immediate vicinity of her burnt out car.

Ianto and Wednesday shared a quick look, unnoticed by any of the others knowing immediately who was responsible now. While a bomb threat was often enough to scare the population in some places, those in Cardiff were made of stronger stuff and it would take more than a car bomb to scare them. Pugsley hadn't won this time round, but he had just got himself some work to do. Ianto was definitely not cleaning up this one, Pugsley could do all the leg work on this one convincing the police that it was a training exercise and getting Gwen out of custody, after all Ianto doubted that his cousin would be impressed that his wife was locked up as a terrorist as a result of a family game.


	4. Pugsley's Penance

Pugsley rewatched the news report with a small sinister grin on his face. The report had done more to scare the natives than his little explosion had, it was just a shame that it had later been followed up with a report that the "terrorist activity" was actually a training exercise to assess the response times of the emergency services.

Pugsley had not been impressed when Tharmus had insisted that he take steps to fix the situation. He hadn't much cared that Gwen was his cousins' wife and would be held as a terrorist, although he had pointed out that Aluka might be annoyed at that. No it had been that Gwen was a member of Torchwood and it could impact on the organisation. Pugsley had argued that it was the perfect opportunity to get rid of her, from both the family and the organisation. Tharmus would not be swayed however so Pugsley had to spend several hours working to make people believe that the small explosion that Gwen's car became was nothing but a training exercise.

It wasn't actually that difficult for him to do using the ID he kept on him at all times made it an easy task. Identifying himself as a member of the elusive MI9, a select group of individuals hidden within other branches of the government, meant that his explanations were listened to and believed. The corroborating evidence that his cousin had put together for him helped as well.

MI9 was the designation that had been given to the Addamses by Queen Victoria not long after she had founded Torchwood. She had been approached not long after the incident at Torchwood House by a group of the family attempting to secure some sort of working agreement between them. The Addams family, while human, were a bit too close in some cases to the line and had no intention of ending up in a cell or under a scalpel, unless they had chosen that entertainment for themselves. It had been his many times great aunt Clymestra, a seer, who had come up with the designation suggestion, probably to tie in with the agencies that would exist later in her visions.

Convincing the police that Gwen was not actually a terrorist was surprisingly easy, even without his supporting documentation. Those who had worked with her previously were aware of her lack of any real intelligence. They knew that it was highly unlikely that someone of her limited skills and talents would have been able to make a bomb. Explaining why he had used her as the delivery method of the exercise took a little longer.

He passed it off as teaching her a lesson for her constant parking violations, as well as making the police realise the potential weaknesses in their defences. They should never allowed Gwen through their cordons, but they had done so because of her supposed seniority over them. They were dealing with something that was definitely not a Torchwood matter, and even if it had been Gwen was only a junior member of the organisation on her own and definitely not sanctioned by her superiors to interfere or get involved with the situation.

It didn't take much persuading after that to convince them to continue to hold on to Gwen for a bit longer. It was the only small victory Pugsley got from the situation, the idea of Gwen being stuck in a cell for a bit longer. He certainly hadn't done well enough to come out on top in the game, maybe Wednesday would do better then he had.


	5. Gwen's Grumbling

Gwen was having a lousy day, she had woken up late and was completely hung-over. Her husband's cousin had invaded her home the evening before to watch the rugby and his presence had meant that she had needed a drink of the alcoholic variety. After several cans of Brains she had stumbled to bed forgetting to set an alarm. When she woke it was to find Rhys had already left, she was late for work and her husband's cousin was snoring on her couch.

She had rushed through getting ready, she had been hoping to catch Jack alone that morning to talk to him before the others all arrived, but they were sure to be at the Hub already. She took a perverse pleasure in waking Pugsley just before she left, turning him out of her flat and locking the door behind herself.

She jumped in her car, pulling away at speed heading towards the Plass. She never noticed the wicked grin on Pugsley's face as he spoke to someone on his phone. If she had she would have been forewarned that her day was not going to go as she planned in any way. Instead she sang along with the radio as she sped towards the Hub. Traffic was a nightmare to begin with, but the closer she got to the Plass the quiter the roads seemed to be. There was an increased police presence in the area though. She wondered what was going on, but at the same time knew that she hadn't had a phonecall to get her in to work that it mustn't concern Torchwood. It must be something relatively small time that the police should be able to deal with themselves.

She glared at the officer who stopped her from getting to work. She chewed him out for trying to stop her from going about her business, informing him that she was Torchwood and showing her ID before forcing him to let her through their cordon. She realised once she had parked her car that it may be difficult to just disappear on the invisible lift with so many people sure to be watching her. She should have parked in the garage or by the bay but the walk into the hub from the garage or the tourist office wasn't exactly the quickest route in to work. It wasn't like she would have to deal with a parking ticket or anything, her car was registered under Torchwood if anyone was stupid enough to give her a ticket Ianto would deal with it, it was his job after all.

Gwen had got out of her car and had started walking towards the lift when remembered to lock it. She pressed the button on her key fob to lock her car, listening to hear the car lock. Suddenly she was blown off her feet as her car exploded. She put her arms out in front of her to break her fall, but she still managed to hit her head on the ground.

With the large police presence she expected more help than she got. Two officers did rush to her side, but instead of helping her up they started dragging her up and away from her burnt out car, roughly slapping handcuffs on as they did so. Gwen began to kick up a fuss, someone had just tried to kill her, but it was her who was being pushed into the back of a squad car and driven to the station.

Gwen was mortified, being led into the station she used to work at in handcuffs. As she sat in the cell she had been left in she wondered how her morning had gone so wrong. They had breathalysed her on the way to the station, apparently one of the pcs thought she smelled drunk. She was still over the limit from her drinking the night before, so they had added driving under the influence as well as dangerous driving to the charges as well as terrorism.

She couldn't believe it, someone had tried to blow her up and they were holding her as a terrorist. They hadn't even questioned her yet, just left her in a cell to rot. When she got out someone's head was going to roll for this. She wondered were Jack was and why he hadn't come to get her out yet. She didn't know how long had gone past before they finally let her out of the cell, but she wasn't happy. She was even more unhappy when she saw that it was Ianto waiting for her and not Jack, she had assumed the Captain would have come to her rescue and she would get him to herself on the trip back to the Hub.

When Ianto told her that he had managed to stop her from having her driving licence revoked immediately but that she would have to attend court to face her charges she was angry. Her day really had gone completely to hell, the police had released her and explained that the charges of terrorism were being dropped, but she still didn't know what had happened and who had tried to kill her.

Ianto took her back to her flat instead of the Hub, explaining that she should get some rest before driving off and leaving her stranded without a car as Rhys wasn't at home. She crawled into bed grumbling about the unfairness of everything, determined to get to the bottom of everything once she had a nap.


	6. Wednesday's Walk

Wednesday wasn't really in the mood to be playing scare the natives, she had much more important things to be doing. She was spending a lot of time with Owen in the Hub, getting him used to her and getting involved in whatever was going on in the Hub. If she was going to be relocating to Cardiff permanently then she was going to be looking for things to keep her occupied. She had no intention of being a housewife or getting herself a boring job.

She decided to go the easy route to scare the local populace, not really wanting to waste too much time on her attempt. She had been meaning to take Kitty Cat for a walk anyway to get him used to the new area they would be moving to. She had prepared for the walk in advance, borrowing a modified perception filter from Tharmus' archives to help her get away with her scheme. Cardiff city centre was always full on a Saturday afternoon, so that was when she struck. Lurch had dropped them off before returning to the manor, they would make their own way back later on that evening.

Wednesday made her way to the high street Kitty Cat bounding along beside her letting out happy growls and roars as people gave him a wide berth or let out screams. The modified perception filter meant that she was able to walk alongside her Kitty Cat with no-one any the wiser that she was there. It had been modified though so that technology would still pick her up, so she still showed up on CCTV and other videos or cameras, so it would be shown that she had been escorting him the whole time even if people were to swear he was alone. The general public, the ones not looking at her Kitty Cat through their mobile phone that is, would see Kitty Cat bounding along through the centre of town on his own. That wouldn't have been much of a problem if her Kitty Cat had been a regular house cat who had started to wander round town. A large lion on the other hand was getting a much larger reaction than say Mr. Tiddles would strolling through town. People were screaming, crying or running away, several shops had stopped admitting customers and had instead barricaded the doors.

Kitty Cat let out a roar of glee and Wednesday scanned their surroundings to see what had caught his attention. When she saw who it was a small smirk graced her face for the slightest of seconds before her expression blanked once more. She watched as Kitty Cat took off running before pouncing on his target. People screamed in fear and a few people fainted, she really couldn't have planned for this to happen. She wondered if Tharmus had mentioned what she was doing to Aluka or if he had encouraged him to take his wife shopping.

Gwen had for the second time that week been forced to the ground by an external force, and Wednesday had gotten to witness it firsthand this time rather than on CCTV. Gwen was splayed on her back on the floor, while Kitty Cat sat on her growling at her as he butted Aluka's hand with his head in an attempt to get attention. Taking the perception filter off and sticking it in her pocket she made her way towards her cousin.

He greeted her with a warm smile as she reached them. "Out for a walk Wednesday?" Aluka asked as he finally gave in and started petting Kitty Cat, not really bothering too much that the lion was sat on his wife. Kitty Cat had sat on pretty much every Addams at some point in the past, it was a good way to learn how to get out from underneath someone stronger than you.

"Just a bit of shopping today." Wednesday replied. "I was thinking of getting some things for the little monsters, but I haven't really seen anywhere that will stock what I was going to buy."

Kitty Cat growled again before roaring in Gwen's face, the woman was moving about to much and was making a high pitched whining noise. "You are hurting Kitty Cat's ears Gwen." Wednesday stated, the woman's whining to be helped up was grating on her as well.

Just then Wednesday heard the screeching of tyres and realised that someone had called the police and that they were arriving to deal with the situation. When they started to get out of their cars Wednesday let out a low pitched whistle and Kitty Cat immediately stopped growling at Gwen and began slobbering all over her instead in some strange lion parody of a kiss. Gwen almost howled in anger at being covered in lion drool but Aluka just looked amused, especially when Kitty Cat got a whiff of her perfume and it made him sneeze all over her face. Wednesday let out another small whistle and Kitty Cat backed away from Gwen and took a seat at Wednesday's feet and started his version of purring.

Like the last time the Cardiff police had met Kitty Cat they were rather nervous and didn't really know what to do. At least the lion was accompanied this time, someone who they could see had some measure of control over it at least, it was collared and on an extendable dog lead. Wednesday dealt with the situation rather quickly and effectively, explaining to the police that Kitty Cat was her registered therapet. She produced the paperwork proving that he was a service animal, and they had no option but to leave them alone. There wasn't really much they could do but work to try and calm the public and mutter about strange Americans.

Aluka smiled at Wednesday as people began to emerge slowly from shops, looking at Kitty Cat with trepidation. "I would say you are winning cousin. Is there anything you actually want to shop for around here or was it all just a ruse to come into town."

"Kitty Cat needed a walk." Wednesday stated, "I thought I might as well see what shops there were on offer at the same time."

Aluka chuckled. "Are you being picked up? Or would you like me to drop you off somewhere?"

Gwen began to protest, it was her day off and she wanted Rhys to take her shopping. Seeing an opportunity to annoy Gwen she replied, "That would be most helpful Aluka, if you could drop us by the bay Kitty Cat has a play date."

Gwen stormed off, informing Aluka that she was going shopping and that he better come back after dropping the girl and her beast off. Wednesday just rolled her eyes at the woman's dramatics and followed her cousin to his car. She opened the door to the front passenger seat allowing Kitty Cat to climb in before getting in the back. Gwen would no doubt moan about the shed hair on her seat but Wednesday didn't care, Kitty Cat liked to see where he was going. Aluka hadn't seemed to mind so she didn't intend to worry about it, if anything it amused her to imagine how annoyed the other woman would be about it.

It didn't take them long to get to the bay, Aluka seeming to know every shortcut in the city. Wednesday thanked him and Kitty Cat licked his hand in thanks before they got out the car. They watched Aluka drive off before they headed into the Hub through the tourist office for Kitty Cat's play date with Myfanwy.


	7. Owen's Observations

When Owen Harper had first met Ianto's extended family he had realised they were rather kooky. They had after all turned up almost out of nowhere to help them take on a weevil. He wasn't complaining though, they had been exceptionally helpful that evening. They also hadn't judged him negatively despite the fact that he was a walking talking corpse. In fact they had been fascinated by him, or rather some of them had.

Owen himself had become fascinated by one of them, so much so that they were actually intending to get married. He hadn't thought after Katie died that he would ever get hitched but Wednesday drew him like a moth to a flame and he didn't care if he got burnt. It was interesting to learn what the strange family thought on various topics. Wednesday herself was not a fan of marriage and weddings, but her family had been travelling partially to find her a husband so that others would be able to marry. She had caught the bouquet at her uncle's wedding and no-one who had been in attendance was able to marry until she had tied the knot. They would marry, but they would also undergo a blood binding as well, something that Wednesday was happy about.

The family were completely different from any other family group that he had ever met. Considering that he worked for Torchwood and had met many aliens that was a rather interesting observation. He had checked with Ianto if there was any alien influence in the family lines but the man had stated that they were all human, just different from most. Their ideas on fun were something to marvel at, Wednesday had explained several of the families' favourite games to him; Wake the Dead and Scare the Natives just a couple of them.

Owen wasn't sure what to think of the fact that their idea of fun had ended up with Gwen sitting in a police cell branded a terrorist. He had to admit he did find it an amusing punishment for her parking violations. The fact that no-one was willing to do anything to get her out of the situation Pugsley had landed her in until Ianto started to bitch about the impact her arrest would have on the Institute was mildly alarming. They really didn't care how they affected her at all, she was just a pawn in Pugsley's play.

Owen really didn't care about Gwen either, but more what she represented. She had married into the family, just as he intended to do, but she didn't seem to accept the family at all and as result hadn't been accepted by them either. Instead they had made her the main target for their pranks and misfortunes to fall upon. He didn't know what had made them dislike her the most; her cheating on Rhys and the way she treated him, her disdain for the family that she seemed unable to hide or the fact that she had designs on Jack, the partner of another Addams.

Owen was determined not to make the same mistakes that she had though. He held the family in high regard, he could even say that he respected PC Andy with a straight face these days. He had no ability to cheat on Wednesday at the moment, and he couldn't see himself straying once they were bonded, he had never cheated when in a committed relationship before he wasn't about to start after he got married. As for him having any designs on Harkness, that was laughable. Ianto was welcome to him, Jack was much too high maintenance for Owen to cope with for any real period of time outside of work.

Looking up from his tablet, that he had been perusing some test results on before he had been distracted, he heard a growl that could only belong to his fiancé's pet. Kitty Cat came bounding his way down into the autopsy bay growling out a greeting to him. Owen called a greeting back to him, accepting a chaste kiss on the cheek from Wednesday who had followed Kitty Cat in.

Kitty Cat then let out a loud roar as he jumped onto the autopsy slab. He was joined a few minutes later by Myfanwy who had flown down from her nest and was adding her own squawks to the cacophony of noises in the Hub.

"No making a mess." Owen warned both predators before taking Wednesday by the hand and leading her out of his domain. "Come on let's get you some coffee and let them play."

Ianto with his sixth sense of when the team needed coffee just directed them towards the conference room, telling Toshiko to join them, and that he would be up with coffee in a minute. Jack was already there, sat at the head of the table on the phone clearly ignoring most of what the person on the other end was saying. When he spoke it was obvious to Owen straight away who he was speaking to.

"That's something you need to fix with Kitty Cat yourself. He's done nothing unwarranted at all, and even if he had it wouldn't be down to me to sort your problems for you." Jack rolled his eyes, a smile appearing on his face as Ianto came in behind them carrying a tray of coffees. "I need to go Gwen, Owen's here with that report on the blowfishes stomach contents." He then hung up before she could say anything else. He then turned to Wednesday who was trying and failing to look innocent. "Enjoy your walk?"

Wednesday just smirked. "Kitty Cat seemed to enjoy himself. I found the shops rather lacking, there wasn't an ammunition or munitions shop in sight."

Owen looked at his fiancé as Jack and Ianto chuckled. Ianto used the plasma screen to bring up a video that had gone viral already of Kitty Cat accosting Gwen as people screamed and cowered in barricaded shops. He didn't know what to say, he was amused by Gwen's plight but a bit speechless by how much panic Wednesday had managed to cause with so little effort. Normally the Cardiff natives were a lot hardier, with a rift in time and space running through the city they had been subjected to a lot of odd things.

At a loud roar from his domain he grabbed the remote from Ianto pulling up the internal CCTV. None of them were expecting the strange game of tag that appeared to be playing out on the screen in front of them. From Kitty Cat's roar it appeared that Myfanwy was winning. Owen smiled as he inhaled his last sniff of his coffee before giving it over to Jack who had already finished his. It almost seemed as if the rest of the team were rushing their coffee these days to be the one to get the cup that Ianto still made for him even if he couldn't drink it.

A squawk followed by a whining noise from Kitty Cat had them turning back to the screen to see Myfanwy circling above Kitty Cat and occasionally hitting him with a wing. As Ianto left the room to go and chastise the pterodactyl Owen chuckled, this was his family as mad and as weird as they come, but unlike Gwen he wouldn't change anything about them.


	8. Gomez's Game

AN: So firstly thank you to everyone who has stuck with me despite how infrequent my updates are. I have had this weekend away at an event that has given me a bit of time to chill and relax, I have managed to clear through all my emails, reply to most comments (if I haven't replied I am sorry I managed to delete some in the email purge and even do some writing. Today I was wandering round Cardiff and it must have sparked something as I managed to get back into this chapter and get it finished on the train trip back to Bristol. Now just trying to type up my authors notes and get it uploaded before I get to the airport and onto my flight back to Edinburgh. I give you the longest chapter of this story so far, hopefully it won't be so long before the next one.

Gomez had watched both his eldest children's attempts to scare the Cardiff residents with a critical eye. Pugsley hadn't done enough damage to create mass panic before the 'truth' of the matter was revealed. Wednesday on the other hand didn't even put any effort to scare anyone. She knew that Kitty Cat would cause fear and panic and had just left how much to chance. He knew that she hadn't planned for Aluka's wife to be there, no he detected a much more subtle hand had guided her to be in the right place at the right time. Tharmus knew everything after all and Gomez knew that the other man had less than pure thoughts in regards to her health and continued existence.

Neither of his elder children had directly gone after the public in any real sense. He supposed they were just playing it safe, Fester had stated no harm, and he was sure that Tharmus was monitoring everything they were planning, intervening if he felt it was necessary. That was something that the family had always wondered about, Tharmus' uncanny ability to always seemingly knowing what they were up to. He had intervened with Pugsley and Wednesday's plans and he seemed to know exactly what he planned to do as well. He had even gone as far as leaving him a map this morning with several locations already marked saving him some time with research. Gomez had of course looked over the sites that Tharmus had marked out for him, finding them to be perfect for his needs, just as he had expected. They were all close together and would be on the same water pipeline which would work perfectly for his cover story.

He called out to gather the kids, he intended to take Pubert, Alfonso and Lucretia with him, getting them out of the manor for a bit. Alfonso and Lucretia also had legitimate links to two of the sites, relatives on their father's side of their family and he had an acquaintance at the other site that would grant them access without their presence being questioned. Carrying large spades would have been suspicious though, so they would have to make do with small trowels instead. A quick side trip to a garden centre for a few plants to explain away the trowels and they were all set.

Gomez watched with an indulgent look as the children ran around the cemetery playing Wake the Dead while he planted the potted plants. He wasn't the best gardener, but he had picked up a few tricks from his wife over the years. The children were tapping on gravestones and using their trowels to disturb the ground at the foot of the headstones to encourage the owners to wake up. None of the residents of the cemetery were Addams' though so they were not all that inclined to get up from their graves; they would need more encouragement.

Gomez had known that would be the case though and had planned for that. He had come prepared, bringing with him a little acidic concoction of Fester's that would eat through the old water pipes allowing the water to burst free and encourage the dead to get up. He knew the best locations to add the acid as well, it would take a few hours though to work its way down to the pipes. It did mean that they would be able to get around all three cemeteries and be back at the manor before anything happened, giving them an alibi even if they had been there earlier that day.

The family were sitting down to dinner when the first indications that something had happened reached them. Gomez had left the TV in the lounge on the news channel knowing that his plan would get coverage at some point that evening. However it was the beeping of Jack and Tharmus' com devices that was the first sign of news. They had both answered, listening to the lovely Toshiko as she informed them of the situation.

"Call Gwen in, we'll go in two teams of two, Owen can co-ordinate from the Hub, we don't know if whatever is going on will affect him too." Jack spoke hurriedly to Toshiko whilst Tharmus made their apologies.

It was at that point a news report came on TV about three cemeteries being overrun by the dead. Gomez kept his face carefully blank as he offered Jack his and Fester's services, claiming that two teams of three would be better than teams of two. He also avoided Tharmus' knowing look, he knew it was obvious that he just wanted to have a look at the chaos he had caused. When the four of them arrived at the Hub it was to find Toshiko waiting for them with the SUV ready to go. She also had tech and weapons ready to go with the second team.

"Jack you drive, I'll explain what we know on the way." She then passed Gomez and Fester a com device each. "Ianto you will need to pick Gwen up on the way. Rhys is at work and she hasn't got another car yet."

Hearing that Gwen would be going with Tharmus Fester scrambled to climb into the back of the SUV which suited Gomez just fine. On their way to pick the woman up they listened to the theory that Owen and Toshiko had come up with. Their idea that an alien life form was inhabiting the remains of the graveyards residents was inspired and Gomez wondered how they had come up with it. He was about to ask what had led them to that conclusion when Tharmus spoke. "It's happened before."

Gomez said nothing, just raised an eyebrow at him, he shouldn't have been surprised that Tharmus knew that. Gomez had expected that it would have been the local police who would have been dealing with the situation, but he should have known that Tharmus would have had something else up his sleeve. Tharmus, knowing about the previous occasions were dead bodies had attempted to wander, had obviously been banking on Torchwood getting called out to deal with things. He studied his nephew who was driving and still managing to insert bits of knowledge from the Torchwood archives to the conversation taking place. Gomez wondered what his end game was with this, after all he knew that the other man was aware that there was no alien presence involved, that the only thing controlling any wandering bodies or body parts was just water, and the control was only in the loosest sense. The water controlled the movement only in that it was the force moving the parts.

Gwen was less than pleased when she got in the car that it was Tharmus picking her up and not Jack. That Gomez was also in the car and that she had to get in the back of the car certainly didn't please her much either. She moaned the whole way to their destination, thankfully only a short drive away, about Gomez and Fester being involved when they weren't Torchwood. Her other major gripe was that she wasn't paired with Jack, which Tharmus had quickly shut down. He had ignored most of her whinging, but when she started to moan about the groups he stopped her in her tracks. He explained rather calmly that she would have been paired with either him or Toshiko as they were the only two who understood and would be able to use the program that Toshiko had created to detect the Gelth.

When they arrived Tharmus moved first to the boot to grab the required tech and then towards the police officers manning the police cordon. Ianto soothed the ruffled feathers of the local officers who were a bit incensed that Torchwood were coming in and taking over, but also rather grateful at the same time as they looked terrified of going any further towards the cemetery than the cordon that they were manning.

They then moved into the cemetery, Gwen charging ahead believing that she should be in charge. Toshiko had arrived at one of the other settings and was talking to Ianto through coms about the readings she was getting, none of which were anything conclusive for the Gelth. Tharmus started taking scans as well passing the information on to the others. Gomez just stood waiting for instructions and looking around to see the results of his work. The three cemeteries had been chosen not only because they were just on the same water line, but because they also had several graves that were coffin free burials or biodegradable coffins. The plan wouldn't have worked otherwise as the remains would never have made it through solid wood.

A scream and a gunshot had Gomez and Tharmus running off in the direction Gwen had charged off in. It seemed that she had charged off but come to a standstill when she realised that she didn't actually know what she was looking for. In her time standing about gun cocked she had started to sink a bit into the softer ground and a skeletal hand had brushed her ankle. She had reacted straight away shooting the bones and drawing them to her.

"Gwen's fine." Tharmus assured the others over coms, "A bit trigger happy but fine. Toshiko I think I know what is going on. I am reading increased hydrogen and oxygen levels, are you getting the same? The ground has softened in places as well, and it looks like it is only in parts of the cemetery, I think a water pipeline has burst, this definitely doesn't seem alien in origin."

They could hear Toshiko checking levels with her device again all the while telling Owen what to look for back at the hub. They could all hear him typing away bringing up the city plans to look into Tharmus' theory.

"Yeah you could be right mate." Owen commented. "All three cemeteries are on the same water pipeline, and it is one of the older ones the council have been putting off replacing for a while."

"Right," Jack began, "So this definitely isn't our problem, there is no point in going to the last cemetery. Owen call it in to the council, get them on to it for me. If we meet halfway back to the hub and swap people around in cars Ianto and go from there."

Gwen perked up a bit at that, hearing that they would be swapping people about and assuming erroneously of course that she would be going with Jack. She stomped off ahead back to Tharmus' car while he spoke with the local officers, informing them of what the situation actually was for once, and commiserating with them that the council really should have done the water upgrades they had promised several years ago but kept putting off.

Gomez had just listened in awe, Tharmus really was directing everything from behind the scenes, even using Fester's game to push things through the Cardiff Council that he felt should have been taken care of already. He climbed into the back seat of the car, knowing that Jack would want the front passenger seat and to save him having to move. He listened with a stone-faced expression plastered across his face as Tharmus told Gwen she wasn't allowed to wear her mud caked boots in his car, that she would have to sit them on her knees and if she got any mud anywhere she would be cleaning it. The look of horror on her face was lovely, whether it was at the idea of having to clean or that she was only just realising how ruined her suede boots were Gomez was unsure, but her screeching cry would linger in his ears for the first few minutes of the journey.

After what seemed like ages with Gwen seething in the front seat Tharmus pulled to a stop behind the Torchwood SUV that had already parked, its occupants standing around talking to one another. As soon as Tharmus had parked Fester kissed Toshiko's hand and made his way to the car, getting in the back seat with Gomez and covering his ears a demented grin on his face. Gwen just gave him a look of disgust as she got out the car, neglecting to put her boots back on, Tharmus having told her she would be cleaning the SUV as well if she got it dirty.

Mere seconds later she let out an almighty screech as Jack got into her vacated seat and Toshiko got in the driver's seat of the SUV. Fester's grin just got wider when Jack leaned across to kiss Tharmus' cheek in full view of the fuming woman, not even noticing her as she glared into the car. Gomez and Fester noticed though, and a shared look between them promised each other they would be ready to dish out some Addams style retribution if she even attempted to do anything unsavoury to Tharmus. She wasn't a blood bound Addams spouse, she had no right to harm anyone in their family, that right was reserved for blood.


	9. Morticia's Magic

AN: Sorry for being such a flaky authoress, life has been all over the place this year, with mum being in hospital and with everything going on. She's been home now 2 months and things are getting back to normal with my personal life but that came just as the busy period at work started. This is really the first chance I am getting to get back to writing so sorry for the long break again :(

Only one more chapter of this to go if things go to plan, but I wouldn't be surprised if another Addams demands their turn to torture the Cardiff residents.

Morticia normally didn't involve herself in Fester's game of scare the natives as normally there was no real challenge to it. The people native to their local area had a bone deep dread of her family anyway and on their travels to visit various family members she had found the situation to be quite similar. Here in Cardiff though the situation was quite different. Her relatives whilst still keeping with their Addams heritage and traditions seemed to blend more with the local populace, probably due to their intricate relationship with the Crown and the Torchwood Institute. It was a much closer link than her branch of the family had or members of the family overseas.

It meant that the game might actually be challenging here, and worth throwing her hand in. There was something about a challenge that Morticia couldn't resist. Especially as the Cardiff residents were hardened by all the alien activity in their midst. Morticia had two goals with her attempt; to scare the natives of course, that was the aim after all, and the other was to evade detection completely. Morticia was no fool; she could see Tharmus' guiding hand in many of his relatives' attempts, using the situations to achieve his own goals. It was a commendable way to act, but she was unwilling to be a pawn in the secondary game that he was playing.

Deciding on a course of action she fell back on her education; Spells and Hexes. It would be very unlikely that her nephew Tharmus would be able to accurately predict what she intended to do, let alone manage to turn it to his advantage in anyway. Knowing human nature as she did she knew that one of the biggest things people feared was the truth. Armed with her personal grimoire she retreated to the gardens to think, deciding that a combination of a spell and a hex was exactly what she needed. A small compulsion hex to get people to want to talk and a mild truth spell would create just the right mix to have the weak-minded spilling all the truths they have tried to keep hidden.

A public place would be the best place to set up her work to catch as many people as possible. She knew that there would be no issues for her family as they were all of strong mind and those of the Torchwood Institute should have no problems either as psychic training had been a part of basic training for a long time. Roald Dahl Plass was the perfect place in her mind, it would impact a large amount of people, and it wouldn't look too odd for her to be there. After all what kind of future mother-in-law would she be if she didn't drop in on her prospective son-in-law unannounced?

Lurch had brought the car round at her command, she didn't see any point in delaying her attempt to scare the natives. Going now would mean she would catch the lunchtime wanderers in her spell. Their afternoons would then certainly be more interesting than their mornings had been. Lurch dropped her off and she walked with purpose towards where she knew the entrance to the Institute to be. She started her incantation there and began to walk across the Plass still incanting quietly as she walked until she reached the other side of the Plass. She felt the spell and hex settle in a net across the Plass and continued her walk heading towards the bay and the tourist office.

Even before she had taken more than ten steps away from her last point of casting she heard the first signs of her spellwork taking affect. The harsh slap that rung out across the square and the sound of a man pleading that it hadn't meant anything to him that he had been drunk and hadn't meant to sleep with her sister, he'd thought it was her. Morticia raised an eyebrow at that, surely the next time the woman met up with her sister would be interesting. She carried on walking, unwilling to hang around the scene of her casting for long on case Tharmus was watching and putting together the clues of what she had done with the chaos that was sure to unfold across the city in the next hour or so.

Entering the tourist office she found him sat at the desk, appearing to be engrossed in some paperwork, occasionally looking at the monitor on his desk and simultaneously keeping an eye on the two American tourists in the corner looking at the leaflets there. The small smirk that was fixed on his lips let her know that either he knew that she was up to something, or that he himself was up to no good. He stood to greet her, kissing both her cheeks and stating rather loudly, "Auntie, I'm so glad you came to visit." The Americans in the corner looked round to see who the newcomer was and she could almost feel them blanch at the sight of her. The muttered 'Addams' drew her attention to them and she almost grinned, it had been quite some time since she had seen the councillors from Camp Chippewa. Unfortunately they didn't stay even for pleasantries, instead they almost fell over each other to get out the door, Morticia turned to her nephew with a smirk as he crossed the room and locked the door. "Wednesday did upset him so much when she improved his little play, but they could have at least said hello."

"Such truth, Aunt Morticia." Tharmus stated the tiniest of smirks on his face, "Wednesday isn't here just now so I assume you want to see Owen."

Morticia just nodded and followed him down into the Institute, it was her pre-planned excuse after all, and was a logical assumption. Owen was in his domain and she immediately moved to join him, striking up a conversation about the upcoming wedding, and watching him work. Tharmus came back with a cup of tea for her and a warning, "Owen I am not sure whether Aunts hexes and spells will have an effect on you or how long they may last in your undead state so I would avoid the Plass if I were you."

Morticia stared after his retreating back, how had her nephew known this time, she must have uttered the question aloud as her Wednesday's corpse replied in a tone of someone who had been informed regularly.

"Ianto knows everything." The corpse chuckled.

Before Morticia could question him further or really think much on it herself the lift entrance to the Institute started to descend, with Tharmus' Captain and Gwenyth on it, the former holding the latter in a secure grip with one hand, the other over her mouth trying to stop her from being able to speak. Tharmus appeared from almost nowhere to render assistance, either with Gwenyth or removing the Captain's coat Morticia wasn't sure what his initial aim was but he did both masterfully, taking custody of the woman with one hand and helping the Captain with the other. Unfortunately he did not have another hand to cover her mouth so they were treated to a tirade of confessions from the woman, from her affair with the corpse, to slacking on paperwork, fantasying about the Captain and most importantly to the Torchwood team confessed to messing with the coffee machine.

"She started ranting on the Plass," The Captain began, "starting trying to tell anyone who would listen that aliens were real and that she was an alien catcher. I just grabbed her and dragged her onto the lift, what on Earth is going on. I know she rambles at times and has no concept of secret but this was a bit much even for Gwen." He looked at the now unconscious woman that Tharmus had knocked out using an alien stun gun when she had confessed about the coffee machine.

Morticia hadn't expected that any of the Institute would encounter any problems and explained as much when she told the Captain what she had done. She felt it prudent to explain, knowing that Tharmus already knew and she would no doubt be told to remove her castings, but at least she would have sown some chaos across Cardiff that day. To her surprise Tharmus stalled the Captain when he asked her to remove her castings, insisting that they wait five minutes before they do so, not seeing much of a difference the Captain agreed and they waited out the time before she ascended on the lift and removed her castings from the safety of the invisible lift. Stepping out of the perception filter she walked off towards were she could see Lurch parked waiting for her, Tharmus having called the butler to take her home.

The journey back to the manor was spent in quiet contemplation, Tharmus was deep in everything they did, the corpse had said that he knew everything and he was certainly appearing to, and using his knowledge to guide things in the ways that he wanted. She wondered if he too had gifts like those Andronenkos had recently revealed to the family. Deciding not to dwell on it, she sat back and relaxed, at least he hadn't managed to turn her attempt to scare the natives to his advantage even if he had known about it, or so she had thought.

The news report that evening showed differently as reports of corruption inside Cardiff council were revealed, images of two men she had seen leave the Plass just before she removed her castings flashing up on the screen, having apparently admitted to countless different offences including extortion and embezzlement.

"Mon dieu, that boy!" Morticia stated quietly, Tharmus really was pulling everyone's strings. She didn't get the chance to think more on it as she suddenly found herself in her husband's arms as he started to kiss her neck muttering about her speaking French.


	10. Jack's Judgement

AN: Sorry this has taken so long to get out, my original plan was for Halloween but time seemed to run away from me :( This is the last chapter of this story, I hope you enjoy.

Jack had watched the proceedings of the Addams' family game that had been taking place across his city with interest, marvelling in the actions of his sneaky lover twisting his family game to his own benefit. It was startling to see the ways in which his lover was able to run rings around people without them even noticing, and it made Jack wonder how many times he had done it to him while in his employ. When the game had first begun Jack had been interested in perhaps taking part, but after talking with Fester he had been content enough just to sit back and watch the family and their efforts instead. It wouldn't be fair after all to be the judge and to play the game.

Each of the attempts to scare the natives Jack had noticed had all included attempting to terrify or include Gwen in some way, something that Jack wasn't going to complain about. It was glaringly obvious to him that the family were less than pleased with the Welshwoman and it had opened his eyes to his own failings when it came to her. He had let her slide on things too many times and it was something that he had put a stop to recently.

Secretly, he wouldn't admit it to any of the Addams although he was sure that Ianto knew, he had been scoring their attempts on how much trouble they made for Gwen or fear they caused in her. It was completely petty but it was the only way that he was able to get back at her at the moment, Ianto having asked to be allowed to deal with her for her actions while at his manor himself. Jack had agreed, but had felt himself getting more and more annoyed every time he thought about her actions. He was a fifty-first century man he didn't do jealousy, but every time he thought of Gwen with his Ianto's toy from their box he saw red.

Gomez and the children's attempt while it had been useful in pushing the city council to do the work they had promised to carry out but neglected hadn't really left much of a mark on the public or on Gwen in particular. The situations had been contained quickly enough that no real panic spread and Gwen only got a little shock, nothing to even really talk about, she was more annoyed that she wasn't partnered with him than she was worried about being touched by bones.

Morticia's attempt had also helped them with the council in a different way, exposing a couple of corrupt councillors, and had revealed Gwen to her co-workers as the culprit behind the recent troubles with the coffee machine. Jack was sure that Ianto had already known that it was Gwen behind the issues with the coffee machine as Jack had seen him making her instant decaf while the rest of the teams coffees were being made in a French press.

Pugsley's plan had been pulled off immaculately and Jack had been impressed with the way in which it had been planned and carried out. It had been potentially problematic to them as an agency though, that one of his team was branded a terrorist even for a short while could be damaging to their reputation. Ianto had made Pugsley clear up his own mess though and he had done that rather well, albeit grudgingly, the young man had wanted to leave Gwen in the cells for much longer than he had done. Jack was seriously considering offering the young man a permanent position with the Institute if he wanted it.

Wednesday's plan though had caused panic in the city centre, not something that easily done in Cardiff, the locals inured to most things with a rift in time and space in their midst. And that she had managed to bump into Gwen could only have been Ianto's doing, but she and Kitty Cat had been harassing Gwen ever since. The woman was still complaining about lion fur on her clothing and how Rhys should have made it travel in the boot.

At dinner at the manor that evening Fester called an end to the game and the family all looked to him for the results but he just nodded in his direction. Jack found it slightly unnerving the speed at which all the eyes in the room focused on him, but didn't let it faze him. He announced Wednesday as the winner and watched with amusement as money changed hands all over the table, unsurprised in any way that Ianto had cleaned up. He then went on to warn his family about causing anymore mischief, telling them they should probably start focusing all their creativity on Wednesday and Owen's ceremony. Ianto then dragged Jack from the manor and back to his flat where he planned to show Jack some of his own creativity in their games.


End file.
